Holiday Hardships

                This year has been a crazy one for me. It has had many ups and downs.  It began with an adventure when I found out on January 4^th that I would be spending the summer in Santa Cruz, CA, but tragedy struck early in the morning of March 22^nd, when my aunt’s home in Guthrie burned. My oldest cousin, Terick, didn’t make it out of the house.  So began one of the hardest seasons of my life so far. There were times when grief would hit hard, and I just did not know what to do, but my friends were always there to pick me up and share encouraging words.  I went on to spend the summer in California, which definitely provided a lot of healing for my soul. It was scary and hard and wonderful and crazy all wrapped in to the greatest summer of my life.

                But in this Christmas season, my family and I are struggling to be joyful. Terick has been a huge part of my Christmas tradition since I was 5 years old, and I’m worried about how tomorrow is going to go. We are having Christmas at my great grandma’s house, which is not something we have not done before. We’re doing everything a little differently because doing it the same would feel like we were trying to ignore that Terick is gone. It’s going to be weird not getting my big hug Christmas morning, but I’ll make it somehow.  My Baby Bear is gone from this earth but will forever live in my heart until I see him again one day.  

                I keep reminding myself that Christmas is more than gifts and family. It’s about the baby that was born to a virgin to save the people of the world. It’s about something so much bigger than my life. It’s sometimes hard to find comfort in this right now, but it’s still important to remember. I ask for prayers of peace and comfort as my family walks through this together and as we remember Terick on his birthday (Jan 3rd), and also that we would remember the true meaning of Christmas this year. Don't take the time you have with loved ones for granted. You never know how quickly things can change.

Christmas 2013 (Adair, Terick, Henry)

With love, 

Tabi

God Does Not Need Me

Something that God has really been teaching me lately is that He doesn't need me. It is a privilege to be able to do anything to serve Him. What would be the value in worshipping a being that found it neccessary for me to have any sort of responsibility?

I have been told for a long time that I am not needed in God's plan, but I never really understood. I'm finally beginning to understand with the help of my two year old nephew. He's just a child and he doesn't know how to do very much, but he like to try and do everything. I feel like this is how God sees me. I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to know. I want to practice doing things in order to please my Father. One example that comes to mind is when I was putting something in the trash the last time I was with my nephew. I was about five steps away, and it honestly would have been easier for me to just do it myself, but Kayden wanted to help. He was so set on doing it himself that I couldn't tell him no. He was trying to help me.

When I try to serve God, I do it for Him. It's often easy for me to get in the mindset of being uber important and thinking that if I don't get something done, it will never be done. But God is sovereign and everything will be done according to Him plan, not mine.

It's cool how God uses little things like putting something in a garbage bin to teach us things.

With love,
Tabi

Who am I to be silent?

Recently on campus, I saw a man with a poster that said we have to change before Jesus will accept us. It definitly made me reconcider how I am living my life. Is this truly what people believe? 

One of the cool things about Jesus is that He loves and accepts us no matter what we do. We can never deserve what he did for us, so trying to work for his acceptance will never get us anywhere. 

Ephesians 2:1-10 talks about how our works are not what save us:

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

This man, whom had a word to share that I certainly do not agree with put himself out there and shared his beliefs. I later saw several students talking with him. 

If he is willing to share his beliefs, then who am I to keep the saving grace and mercy of Jesus to myself? Why am I not out there in the world sharing the love of the Almighty God with people? Who am I to stand silent while there are lost people?

Identity in Christ

The last few weeks at church the college class has been going through a series about our identities in Christ. One of the points that was made the first week is that our identities are not the same as our self-worth or confidence. While I agree that they are not the same thing, I do believe that my self-worth is dependent upon what I believe to be my identity.

I have struggled my whole life with being confident in who I am and what people think of me, but you know what? Who cares?!? It doesn't matter what earthly people think of me. The only opinion I should truly be worried about is that of my Savior.  I'm slowly becoming more confident in who I am in Him. I am who God made me to be. I don't need to hide myself or try to be someone that I'm not just to impress someone, especially a boy. If you are meant to be with someone, he/she will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Psalm 45:11 says " The King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him for he is your Lord." and Genesis 1:27 states that we are created in the image of God. Think about that for a moment. God created me and you to reflect who He is! He is a holy, righteous, beatiful God, and He created you in His image.

Who am I to say that I'm ugly or worthless when a mighty God knit me together and told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)?  Embrace who YOU are, not who your friend is or that popular girl that you want to be like.

 Let's take a journey to become the lovely, beautiful, joyful people that God created us to be!

Beautifully His,

Tabi Conner

What I Wish They Had Told Me (& some advice)

Here's a small list of things I wish I had known when I moved to college:

1. People don't mature overnight. Almost everyone is as stupid and immature as they were in high school.
2. Drama doesn't end in high school. There is still a lot  of it in college.
3. People aren't watching your every move in college. They do watch some though. This leaves you with more room to royally screw up, so use your new freedom wisely.
4. Don't care what others think. Be who you want to be.
5 . Everyone is on an equal level in college. That 'popular kid' crap from high school doesn't exist. Embrace it.
6. Don't stress about making new friends. You'll have more than you can count very quickly.
7. Be open to meeting new people. It may be uncomfortable when you're sitting at a table with seven people you've never spoken to before, but you might just become best friends.
8. People have a lot of different views. I went to a small school where most people had the same views. When your college has a large population of foreign students, know that similar views won't happen.
9. Find a group where you fit in.
10. Get involved! try out clubs and organizations. If you don't like them, you can always cancel your membership.
11. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Different views are what keep the world advancing.
12. Lean on your friends for support. At some point they will need you too.
13. Tell your friends that you love them. Some people are hard to read.
14. Some classes suck. Don't drop them just because you don't enjoy them. Fight through. You just might learn something.
15. There is so much more homework to do than there was in high school. Try to get it all done.
16.  Some professors are mean, some are boring, awkward, frightening,... If you can think of an unpleasant trait, there is most likely a professor who matches it.
17. Some professors are awesome! They enjoy teaching active learning styles to engage their students.
18. You will be uncomfortable in some classes. Deal with it.
19. Learn how to type quickly, and speed read. These skills will save you a ton of time.
20. Finals week is stressful. Don't procrastinate on studying. Use free time in the few weeks prior to finals to get a head start.
21. Take study breaks. They help you calm down and relax your mind for a bit.
22. Don't loose touch with old friends.
23. Don't forget to sleep and eat. You have to make time for these things.
24. Take advantage of free food. You're a broke kid. Don't be embarrassed to take hand outs.
25. Have fun. College is supposed to be some of the best times of yours life.

And last, but certainly not least, ALWAYS make time for your time with God. There is no way you can make it through without him.


Peace & Love,
Tabi

Semester's End

The semester is over!! Thank the Lord! I really enjoyed this semester, but I'm very thankful that is has come to a close. 
It has been a semester full of ups and downs, tears and cheers. I've made some amazing, godly friends. I've gotten involved in some awesome groups. And most importantly, I've grown in my walk with Christ. I've learned to depend on Him in times when earthly family and friends fail me. I've learned to rejoice in Him even in the face of trial and pain. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has planned for me in the coming semester.
In Summer Project news, the application has been submitted. It is out of my hands and into the hands of God and Project staff. Hopefully by this time next year I'll have a ton of stories to tell of California.
Now that the homework, studying, and stressing is over, I don't know what to do with myself. I think I'm just going to enjoy Me Time while reading and watching movies. 

Merry Christmas!
Tabi 

Summer Project Application

YAY!!!
The application is officially done. One reference is finished, the other will be soon. I have been procrastinating the application since November 1st, so today, I sat down and finished it. It was the most difficult application I have ever completed. A few of the questions are a bit awkward, but I guess the information is important. I'm so relieved to have it finished. Now I just have to dig up $25 to submit it.

Last weekend, OkState Cru had a stateside summer project meeting. It was awesome. I had been stressing about the money that is required, and everyone there totally encouraged me. They kind of explained the whole raising support process and told us about when they raised support. They also told us some stories from their time and project and gave us tips for when we go.
A few of my favorite tips:
Don't let money keep you from going.
Roadtrip to your location.
Ask for help.
Don't be afraid to ask EVERYONE for support.
Have fun!
Talk to your parents.
These are just a few of the tips that stuck out the most to me. I am so excited to go and give ten weeks of my summer to God.

SANTA CRUZ, HERE I COME!!!

Prayers & Love,
Tabi