Holiday Hardships

                This year has been a crazy one for me. It has had many ups and downs.  It began with an adventure when I found out on January 4^th that I would be spending the summer in Santa Cruz, CA, but tragedy struck early in the morning of March 22^nd, when my aunt’s home in Guthrie burned. My oldest cousin, Terick, didn’t make it out of the house.  So began one of the hardest seasons of my life so far. There were times when grief would hit hard, and I just did not know what to do, but my friends were always there to pick me up and share encouraging words.  I went on to spend the summer in California, which definitely provided a lot of healing for my soul. It was scary and hard and wonderful and crazy all wrapped in to the greatest summer of my life.

                But in this Christmas season, my family and I are struggling to be joyful. Terick has been a huge part of my Christmas tradition since I was 5 years old, and I’m worried about how tomorrow is going to go. We are having Christmas at my great grandma’s house, which is not something we have not done before. We’re doing everything a little differently because doing it the same would feel like we were trying to ignore that Terick is gone. It’s going to be weird not getting my big hug Christmas morning, but I’ll make it somehow.  My Baby Bear is gone from this earth but will forever live in my heart until I see him again one day.  

                I keep reminding myself that Christmas is more than gifts and family. It’s about the baby that was born to a virgin to save the people of the world. It’s about something so much bigger than my life. It’s sometimes hard to find comfort in this right now, but it’s still important to remember. I ask for prayers of peace and comfort as my family walks through this together and as we remember Terick on his birthday (Jan 3rd), and also that we would remember the true meaning of Christmas this year. Don't take the time you have with loved ones for granted. You never know how quickly things can change.

Christmas 2013 (Adair, Terick, Henry)

With love, 

Tabi

God Does Not Need Me

Something that God has really been teaching me lately is that He doesn't need me. It is a privilege to be able to do anything to serve Him. What would be the value in worshipping a being that found it neccessary for me to have any sort of responsibility?

I have been told for a long time that I am not needed in God's plan, but I never really understood. I'm finally beginning to understand with the help of my two year old nephew. He's just a child and he doesn't know how to do very much, but he like to try and do everything. I feel like this is how God sees me. I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to know. I want to practice doing things in order to please my Father. One example that comes to mind is when I was putting something in the trash the last time I was with my nephew. I was about five steps away, and it honestly would have been easier for me to just do it myself, but Kayden wanted to help. He was so set on doing it himself that I couldn't tell him no. He was trying to help me.

When I try to serve God, I do it for Him. It's often easy for me to get in the mindset of being uber important and thinking that if I don't get something done, it will never be done. But God is sovereign and everything will be done according to Him plan, not mine.

It's cool how God uses little things like putting something in a garbage bin to teach us things.

With love,
Tabi

Who am I to be silent?

Recently on campus, I saw a man with a poster that said we have to change before Jesus will accept us. It definitly made me reconcider how I am living my life. Is this truly what people believe? 

One of the cool things about Jesus is that He loves and accepts us no matter what we do. We can never deserve what he did for us, so trying to work for his acceptance will never get us anywhere. 

Ephesians 2:1-10 talks about how our works are not what save us:

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

This man, whom had a word to share that I certainly do not agree with put himself out there and shared his beliefs. I later saw several students talking with him. 

If he is willing to share his beliefs, then who am I to keep the saving grace and mercy of Jesus to myself? Why am I not out there in the world sharing the love of the Almighty God with people? Who am I to stand silent while there are lost people?

Identity in Christ

The last few weeks at church the college class has been going through a series about our identities in Christ. One of the points that was made the first week is that our identities are not the same as our self-worth or confidence. While I agree that they are not the same thing, I do believe that my self-worth is dependent upon what I believe to be my identity.

I have struggled my whole life with being confident in who I am and what people think of me, but you know what? Who cares?!? It doesn't matter what earthly people think of me. The only opinion I should truly be worried about is that of my Savior.  I'm slowly becoming more confident in who I am in Him. I am who God made me to be. I don't need to hide myself or try to be someone that I'm not just to impress someone, especially a boy. If you are meant to be with someone, he/she will love you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

Psalm 45:11 says " The King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him for he is your Lord." and Genesis 1:27 states that we are created in the image of God. Think about that for a moment. God created me and you to reflect who He is! He is a holy, righteous, beatiful God, and He created you in His image.

Who am I to say that I'm ugly or worthless when a mighty God knit me together and told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)?  Embrace who YOU are, not who your friend is or that popular girl that you want to be like.

 Let's take a journey to become the lovely, beautiful, joyful people that God created us to be!

Beautifully His,

Tabi Conner